Friday, July 31, 2009

Celestial Team speaks??

I'm feeling very humble this evening. It's been a beautiful and peaceful day. I actually did some planning to start my next Sacred Commerce group in September. Then, this evening I held our San Lorenzo Valley Holistic Practitioner's Network Meeting. Peggy Black spoke so eloquently about her Celestial helpers, partnered to guide her business. She tapped into some deep, latent knowledge that I've been sitting on for years.

I was born with my Guardian Angel, an awareness so common in Catholic childhood. I've always felt his presence. There have been times in my life when I've journaled to my Angel Michael... asking for and receiving guidance.

Tonight, struck by the idea of partnering with my "Team" to design my work that's on my purpose has set me into silence. I don't have words... just feel befuddled. So much joy has manifested over the last few months, all from the energy of the Law of Attraction. Something magical guided me to ask Peggy to be our speaker this evening. I was supposed to hear her words.

My angels calling me? A tap on the shoulder? I've been in a nice, mellow space since this move. In a designed pause before setting out to do what ever it is God wants me to do next. So very timely that I'm hearing this now.

So, I ask my angels... what.... what now. Do you want me to follow you. Set up a new routine? follow some guidelines? tell me, tell me....

The only answer I hear is...

Maybe there will be more tomorrow. I'm really open, and kind of afraid of the power and potential of paying attention here.

Relax... breathe... stop thinking and planning.

And so it is.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The J.O.B.

Yes... I have one. I worked in the store today. My wonderful antique shop. A collective with 22 dealers. I realize that the glow has left me and it's now a drudgery, something I don't look forward to, nor enjoy doing. I want to get that spark back. Or do I?

Guess I'm in the threshold. I've downsized my spaces and invited other dealers to spread out. This will give me more days off, a little less stress, and slightly more income. I've offered one dealer the opportunity to market in the front window which will relieve me of the guilt I feel for not keeping it up.

I do feel good about the store I've created out of nothing. I just started one. Invented my own bookkeeping and sales tracking procedures. And it's a popular little shop with a loyal and big customer base. And the group of dealers that are working are like a big family. Not everybody gets along with everybody, all the time.... just like a family. When someone is sick... we fill in for each other without expecting payback. Deep friendships have formed.

And we have survived and THRIVED in these last few months, despite the economic situation. But for me, it's still my J.O.B. Not my passion or my purpose. I'm not sure what my "moving on" will look like. I truly don't want to let go of the shop. But I'm feeling such resistance to being there. And I daydream about the work I really want to do.

More groups. More coaching clients. Education. Make sacred art. Meditate. Garden. Be a grandma to Brit and wife to Bill. Enjoy my pets. Enjoy my gardens. Breathe.

I just want to be in a position to help the people that God wants me to assist. So I'll say goodnight with thoughts that will lead me into dreams of Serving "My Peoples".


Sunday, July 26, 2009


A Zen Garden can pull things together. A Zen Garden brings peace, joy, silence, beauty, joy, butterflies, kitties, dogs who just want to be near you, joy, serenity, happiness, quietness, joy, and a feeling you never want to leave your chaise.... until your coffee gets the better of you and you have to make a run for you know where. And above all, a Zen Garden brings joy.

Tomorrow I'll post pictures.

Saturday, July 25, 2009


When I take time to finally get to writing in my blog... I often come up with nothing. Can't think of what to write about... nothing profound to say. Monkey mind wants to rush around and find something amazing, creative, impressive to chat about.

Then again....

Listen to the silence....


Friday, July 24, 2009

Curled up at the end of the day

It's pure bliss... it's been a beautiful day. Good phone consults this morning... Great Master Minding, Accountability Calls with my Goddess Sisters... and then there is the sweetest connection of all, the connection with my fairy God/Grandchild. I ended the day, snuggled on the couch with my darling Brit. That event, in itself, is so bright, I cannot see any other event.

It's been a blessed day, and I give thanks.

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Oh my.... it's those carbs. I didn't get enough sleep last night. Watched our saved copy of "So you Think You Can Dance" until around 11... late for me. But WOW can those kids dance! What a joy to watch!

Then the dogs were excited this morning, early, 4:30ish. I think a raccoon set them off. Then I spent several hours getting the dealer checks ready to bring to the shop where I worked an 8 hour shift. So I came home tired and worn out. I had started a crockpot dinner this morning so I only had to cook some pasta to serve with the meal. And being as tired as I am, I ate two servings. Why do I eat when I'm so tired. I should be sleeping.

This is the heart of it for me. I get really, really tired... then the carbs call.

So, tomorrow's a new day. A day to enjoy the Redwood Mountain, maybe walk around the lake... dance some more disco! So many wonderful opportunities to live joyfully and consciously.

I am thankful.a

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Terrific Tuesday

And it was. A wonderful "accountability" call with Carol, then a fabulous client call. Then the Sacred Sisters of my Sacred Commerce class came. Each week we go deeper and deeper with our insights, higher and higher with our vibrations. I'm left feeling deeply contented and on Purpose.

As this group has evolved, I'm finding more and more, that sense of being "On Purpose". Not necessary to have a scripts on hand, or to fill up time, or make sure that I've prepared enough material so they walk away enlightened or educated. Rather, it's evolved to a surrender, an allowing, a tuning in to the spirit, soul, and energy of the group.


I had great intentions today. To complete several hours of book study and art work... instead I spent some time with Brit and I took a long nap on the porch swing. Still feel satisfied.

So I say, thank you God for this Terrific Tuesday.

Monday, July 20, 2009

New Soul Collage Cards

The only stress today came from my scanner not functioning properly. So I took some photos of the cards I made on Saturday. Please check my art blog:

to see them. The Haiku I wrote is included with each card.

Here's my fav....
This image was calling me all day, but it so filled up the whole card. Then, at the last moment I found some beautiful bamboo pictures and it came together.

And this is my second fav... Although very old and wizened in this picture, Mother Theresa's prayers have the ripe, verdant energy of the young Goddess.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Awake, Aware and Walking

This was truly a lovely day that started with a cuddle with Brit on my bed, with the morning light in the Redwood trees. She and I used to talk to the fairies out this same window! Then Bill helped us put all the crystals on her new lamp. Then brunch for all three of us. All very relaxed.

Somehow, the day floated by with calm, ease and gentleness. (Though Bill had a time crawling under the house to get the electric to the other side.)

I became aware that I had visioned a day exactly like this. One with no big, hurried schedule. Rather a day to let flow as it may. Each of us got things done... more boxes put away, more yard clean up... but through out the day I felt a deep calmness. No stress. Such a new and interesting feeling.

Late in the day Brit and I drove up to Loch Lomond. It's just less than one mile, but the lake is actually lower in altitude than our house, so it's a long clime up to the ridge, then a longer hill down to the lake's edge. Very steep. So we drive. But then there was the most fabulous one mile walk along the lakeside. We watched the ducks. Serenity, peace, simple joy. Such a nice, almost effortless walk. Oh... and there was NO STRUGGLE. I looked forward to that walk all day. I look forward to another tomorrow.

So, I'm thankful that I seem to be more in my body and conscious of 1) what I'm eating and 2) how I'm moving. I also took some time to start my writing journey with SARK. It's a 30 day, at your own speed, writing course. First assignment was to write a list of beautiful moments. Then to pick one of the moments and write a third-person story. Not something I'm comfortable with. Rather write Haiku.

I remembered taking my oldest son to the park, late afternoons, after my husband left for his evening shift at the police station. We would sit on the grass near the pansies and I would read and 2-4 month old Billy would gaze at all the colors. It was such a beautiful time. So in my short story about it, Chris is still saying goodby to her policeman husband. And somehow, I've gotten caught up in the cost of our groceries. Somehow, I've got to get her out the door and to the park. It's really very lovely to remember... but a little trying to write as a short story.

I'm stretching.

Much love to my sweet readers.
Blessings, Chris

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Even Tinier Walks still count

It was a lovely, lovely day. I attended Peggy Black's collage class and made six new Soul Collage cards. Wonderful to be in the artfull altered state all day. I'll post the cards soon.

Then a long visit with Brit, her dad, and dad's girlfriend... so it was late and hot when we got back home. We ate watching a movie... then I remembered... I haven't taken my walk. The struggle was prepared to begin... but the struggle never rose... it was an easy choice. I WANTED TO TAKE MY WALK!


It was a tiny walk because I was/am very tired. But at least up the block and back at a fast pace. I know, in time, the distance and duration will increase. Right now, I'm thankful that a shift is happening and movement is becoming important.

Blessings, Chris

Friday, July 17, 2009

Tiny steps

Even a small walk is still keeping my word.
A short walk is being true to myself
Any walk is honoring my commitment to me

Today's walk was short
Tomorrow's will be a bit longer.
Tiny steps are still about walking.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Glad I walked this morning!

By the end of the hot day in the shop, I had pushed through to get all the sales data entered. Feeling low energy, I only had enthusiasm for this....

Haiku for the Walk

To walk, stroll, hike, trek
I want my heart to want it
Rather take a bath

Sunshine lights the path
Dancing reflection on leaves
Why can’t I hear you

I used to love you
Walking with my shadow self
Am I afraid now?

Sluggish inner child
Demanding pouting not me
But who really wins?

I want to want it
To own “Can’t live with out it”

Body moves graceful
The path is dancing with joy
Reluctant I come

Following with trust
Divine intelligence calls
Grace and joy propels

Poetic verse calls
Energy to move and dance
Playful on the path

I surrender now
To the calling deep within
Hello Divine Health

The Decision - The Victory

You may laugh... it's just a walk... and a short walk at that! Why the resistance.

So, I'm in my struggle this morning. Shall I walk now, or plan to after working in the shop today. I was tending towards the procrastination point of view. Then a phone call (at 7:02!!) Someone found little Lulu up the street and would be walking her back. I needed to throw on my clothes to meet the kind neighbor who walked Lulu back.

So there. Now I'm dressed. One of my major procrastination defenses.

Guess I asked for help, and I got it.
So I did it.
I walked.
Enjoyed the garden of a neighbor I now want to meet.
I walked!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Commitments and Fire Walking

I'm usually good at commitments, especially when it involves others. Commitments to myself, I try to keep also. There are a number of things I've made a personal commitment to, and have kept my promises to myself. Interesting though.... lately I've said "I want to exercise more" and "I want to eat healthy". Yet I have REFUSED to make or state a commitment about those two things.

Even now.... I want to say it. I want to make a commitment. Then I play it forward and don't/can't/want/whatever! see myself doing it. Oh please, Chris... make the commitment!
Just DO IT.

So I did start today. It was such a struggle. For days now, I keep wanting/imagining/thinking about take a walk in our wonderful Redwood neighborhood. And I haven't. This afternoon I had to drive Miss Brit to Santa Cruz. It was 3:00. I wanted an ice coffee... then I would come home and walk. Or would I? West Cliff, that beautiful walk along the sea began to call my name.

I walked on fire (yes!) 20 years ago this coming January 1st. The hardest part of walking on fire was making the decision. THAT IS WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE! Oh... the decision today, to go get the coffee versus take a walk on West Cliff had me tied up for a few minutes. I actually drove around circles.

Then I did it. I actually had the exact same feeling I did that winter night of the firewalk... "I can't go home without doing this."

I took a walk.
It was wonderful.
I feel wonderful.
I saw a dolphin.

I can commit to writing in my blog every day. I can commit to just about anything Brittany or my sweetheart needs. I can commit to being there for my friends.

I hereby commit to walking every day.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

An almost miss

Wow... I almost missed posting today! Decided to post at the end of the day because I'm just too happy every morning. Everything always looks so good, so positive, so possible. I am truly an early morning person. so it's often difficult to get into deeper feelings, especially when it comes to the things that frustrate me, or make me turn to compulsive behaviors.

So, with best intentions... at 10:15 this evening there was a loud pop and off went our electricity. Sweet David, Brit's boyfriend had to turn around on his way home and come back because a tree had fallen across power lines. We thought we were in for a night and maybe a day before the electric would be back. That always brings out the pioneer in me. But I wouldn't be able to meet my goal of posting daily.

then, just a few minutes ago... blink, blink, blink, my little bedside clock started blinking. We're on again. But now, I'm way to tired to post.

I just had this thing.
I HAVE to post every day.
Is that compulsive?
But I did do it, I did post.
Just not too much substance.
But I'm a morning person.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Morning Intentions

Oh how the mornings are glorious. I wish I could carry this peace and calmness throughout my day.

It starts so lovely... my sliding garden door opening from the foot of my bed, out onto what will become my Zen Garden, and the view turns lofty gazing out at the Redwood Forrest... trees spaced so perfectly, that the sunlight filters through. Birds songs greet me as do my animals, joyful to see me once again.

Somewhere in my day, I lose all this. I
become too tired which allows stress to do it's number on me. I pushed so hard yesterday, after having such a peaceful morning. Living in the midst of unpacked boxes and partially completed rooms can add a level of stress. But I've purposely kept the living room clean and clear of moving debris. The gardens are shaping up, showing the bones of what will be God's beauty.

But, I let myself get worn out, tired, cranky and hungry. That's when I make the worst decisions. I need to converse with my inner child more so she doesn't have to do her pouting, "I can't get enough" attitude. Rather, she will bask in the contentment of what I experience each morning. It's only when I'm tired that I make stupid decisions on what to eat.

So, while I did stick to eating just three meals yesterday, I don't even want to confess what dinne
r was and what followed it. It is so clear that "Little Christine" got joy out of the meal and desert. I want to commit to reprogramming her, to show her love and attention during the times when the more adult, spiritually oriented Chris feels the love, beauty and contentment all around her.

So, that is my intention for today. To love Little Christine the way her parents did when she was born. To love Little Christine the way Mother, Father, God, Goddess does. She is blessed and I am blessed to come to this realization.

Taking it to prayer: Mother Father God Goddess, I surrender to you today. I give you my anxt, my "push forward" thinking. I'll allow You to remind me of the beauty all around me, and to take that contentment into my deepest, subconscious core. I'll ALLOW your Grace to permeate my every moment, just for today, one day at a time, one moment at a time, now.... now... again, now. And so it is. Thank you.

Sunday, July 12, 2009


Yesterday was an amazing day, completing the decorating on Brit's room. She was so delighted to see what we had done. And what JOY I got to experience!

So this morning is a beautiful, peaceful, and serene Sunday. My animals are roaming about, saying good morning to their favorite haunts. I tried to meditate, to empty my mind... but I kept drifting into thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts. I just read in Caroly Myss's "Entering the Castle" that there is light in the silence. I really wanted to go for that "light"... but couldn't quite find my silence. Tried playing some meditation music from the Star Child site... but thoughts kept swirling about. Maybe, because I am a high energy, morning person... I should find a time later in the day when it's easier to quiet this thinking.

As I set my intentions for today... ahhh. I have none! Not that there isn't three thousand million things that need doing... I just don't feel compelled to make a list, prioritize, nor schedule a darn thing beyond sitting on the porch swing with my coffee. (Which I plan to do the moment I sign off here.)

Well, with that....
I'm on to my porch swing.
Many blessings of the Summer Day to you,

Saturday, July 11, 2009

A topsy turvey day....

It's never too late to blog! This was a topsy turvey day for me. Actually slept late, till 6:30 am. Made my coffee, brushed my teeth, and who should come strolling out fully dressed and rearing to go?? My sweetheart!

We had a lovely chat on the front porch. Such a peaceful and beautiful morning to just sit. But then we went into action and by the end of the next 12 hours, we did a total make-over on Brittany's bedroom. Sweet child had painted and really did allot of great work... but we painted the floor purple, they put down a fabulous nubby shag rug, hung a shabby-chic lamp, new flat screen TV, day bed, and lovely shear drapes hanging gracefully from new curtain rods. Needless to say, she LOVED IT!

So my day was fabulous too. I loved working with Bill to do this for Brit, and her reaction was well worth the energy. Lovely too, there was no stress today!

So I am thankful for the variety and flexibility of the day. I am thankful for a generous, giving husband, and I am thankful for a darling, appreciative granddaughter.

I am truly blessed.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Sun's Up!

Oh, how beautiful it is to wake with the sun kissing the branches of the Redwoods outside my bedroom windows! I am so loving our move back here to Felton.

Yesterday was a blessed day, when I was able to keep my frame of mind and not allow stress to impact my peace, calm, and spirituality. Just walking slower and being conscious of breathing helps to keep my awareness in the now.

Opps, I do remember allowing stress when it took me a full 45 minutes circling through the maze of phone company system to get the call forwarding to work. It was really the only time in the day where I allowed stress to build up. I had a schedule I wanted to follow and 45 minutes of useless circling, holding and explaining frustrated my plan. It took a bit of time in the gardens to reclaim my serenity.

Today I affirm and set my intention to be fully aware of myself, like a walking meditation. I know that God is working through me as I tend to all that needs tending by me. And if/when a potential stress=making situation arises, I intend to "allow" deep breathing, relaxation, flexibility, and peace of mind to replace the allowing of stress.

I get that we get to "allow" either experience. Allow stress? Allow Peace! duh!

Thank you God for your brilliance working through my sometimes muddled mind!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

When I can't control the world...

My world could be so peaceful, serene, and full of joy... if only I could control the people (and pets!) in it! I set out with best intentions yesterday and in the aloneness of my morning time there was great peace, joy and serenity. Perched high in our little mountain community, the beautiful streams of sunlight kisses the ancient Redwoods. Birds are singing their morning songs. I am living in a dream land.

I make the intention to live from the deeper level of my soul... to stay connected to this Holy State of Being. Late in the morning human life begins to stir around me. The ones I adore and love set out on their day, on their agendas. We seem to all be on the same page/path, with similar goals. Well, moving is stressful, right? Stressful for everyone. Things are still packed. Things are still at the other house. Things have missing things, so the washing machine can't wash. Shower curtains don't hang as easily as they "should". Yet I am grateful for all these blessings. And the day moves along.

Then there are humans not in my immediate circle who impact our little family with changes in plans. Time schedules goes awry. Sensitive to other's sensitivities, my internal peaceful landscape begins to go lopsided. I'm struggling to stay balanced on the slippery slope of my now gone-wonky, best set intentions. Frustrations pop up like annoying little burrs in the carpet. My feathers are ruffled. I have no more clean clothes. And the people I love so much are now upset that I am upset.

Where is the peace of heart, serenity of spirit, joy of the moment?

Craving alone time to recalibrate I encourage my loved ones to go out for a treat. To spend time in Santa Cruz getting dinner and doing things that bring them great joy. Gleefully, they leave. Aha... once again in my day, I am alone and ready to relax with a movie and an easy dinner.

Settling in with a sandwich and my peaceful pets at my side I turn on the TV to view my movie. Alas... the cable box is malfunctioning (although it worked a few hours earlier). The Cable tech wants me to read a serial number that seems to be inscribed with a tiny, sharp needle. I can't see it. Then he says I must turn the 52" TV around and look at some connection in the back. Where is my man, my hero-husband, when I need him. Forty five frustrated minutes later I retreat to my granddaughter's lovely new pink room. I find another movie to delve into while I munch on my now partially stale sandwich. A wonderful, sweet experience, being in her energy in her pink room. Then her TV (actually her VCR) says something about shutting off in two minutes. I push a bunch of buttons... but it turns off anyway. At least I ate my sandwich.

But I'm not feeling too rested, nor too peaceful. Oh.. and the three, mixed up phone lines in our house keep ringing. One said "We're sorry, we're not available to talk to you right now." !! what was that about? So I take to the sanctuary of my beautiful, partially furnished bedroom. I begin to find peace and joy here. But the phones keep ringing. Odd calls on our new phone lines. But there was at least one happy call from Hubby, joyful about an experience had in Santa Cruz.

In short time, the three hours have passed and my loved ones return. They notice that I'm not as happy and relaxed as they thought I'd be by now. So we all decide to go to bed. We bid sweet dreams and I retire to journal in my gratitude journal, finding the blessings of the day. I try to get the pets out of my room. Why do they love me so! Trixie, the darling kitty she is... absolutely REFUSES to leave. So I turn off the lights and try to settle in. Trixie decides she loves to prance and pounce on the partially emptied moving boxes. Just too much distraction to settle into sleep. No matter how I invite her to leave my room, she delights in hiding and running to a far corner. I'm allowing my tired and weary self to be frazzled and short tempered. Kitties really don't respond well to that energy. Trixie pounces on my bare foot and bites my toe, drawing blood! I begin to cry.

Passing through the house, my hero-husband comes to the rescue and Trixie runs to him purring. He takes Trixie and kisses me good night. I settle in, once again, breathing and meditating myself to find that peaceful place in my soul that will welcome slumber.

Then, in the blissful silence of the night I hear it. My cell phone is beeping (in the next room- beyond my closed door where kitties lie waiting), letting me know I've missed a call. Can my meditation take me deeper, ignoring the periodic beep?


The open bedroom door seems like an invitation to the animals. It's not. They get my energy and stay away. Cell phone gets cut off. I return to bed not humored by the events of the evening.

Oh... God is good and takes me to a deep slumber and I awake refreshed and joyful in this beautiful garden/temple/room. The birds are singing their morning songs. Humans are still asleep. Dogs and kitties circle around me, welcoming me to the joy of their day. (They don't remember I was cranky last night!)

My heart is smiling. I am laughing at myself. A wonderful gift was given to me yesterday evening. The gift to really see myself, my human nature, to give way to frustration because I could not control my world. And there is where Peace begins. In the smallness of the little things that go awry and set me off. Being able to transform frustration into finding Peace. That is my work, my lessons.

And I give such thanks for awareness, aliveness and the awesomeness of knowing that God is always there. Peace is always there, when I surrender and just let go. Stop trying to control everything!

Oh... and my sad, lonely, frustrated, petulant inner child demanded those chocolate malt balls to feed her feelings. Interesting, they did note satiate a darn thing. Useless waste of empty calories. No, not a waste, because the lesson is there to remind me.

Take more time during the day to recalibrate with my intentions set earlier in the day. Take a moment to reconnect with the High Energy that is God flowing through me. Remember. Now. Again, now.


and again, now.

I am so grateful. To start a new day. To set new intentions. To know that God is always there. My world is one of Peace, Joy, and Serenity.
Thank you Mother, Father, God, Goddess

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

New Beginings

My morning journal says this is day three, as it's the third day in our little cottage. Making a big move after more than ten years has been both dramatic and transformative. I've begun a deeper practice of meditation, study and journaling, first thing every morning. This is good. And I'll post more about the revelations from that journey, perhaps tomorrow.

But the "New Beginnings" that inspired this entry came from our "Sacred Commerce" group which met just yesterday. Maja shared about desiring to begin a 365 day journey journal/blogspot. And today, sweet Sister Joyce, began a 30 day journal journey.

So, feeling supported by my mighty, inspiring companions, here I go. I'm intending to journal my spiritual journey each morning as I go within and discover the deeper chambers of my soul that are inspired by Carolyn Myss's Entering the Castle: An Inner Path to God and Your Soul.

And, I want to commit to journaling another aspect of my life. Joyce calls it "30 Days of Being With My Natural Energy". I feel I can really commit to leading a healthy lifestyle in little chunks of time like this. Last year I did well for a few months in an OA-90 program. I loved my sponsor. But weighing and measuring my meals was over the top for me. I don't have the staimna... actually, I'm not as willing to surrender as other OA members seem to be. So this is my opportunity to follow Joyce's lead, to be with my "Natural Energy" rather than the energy, comfort, etc. that I usually derive from food and sweets.

I am so blessed! And I give thanks, that I have this wonderful, metaphorical, opportunity to create a new home here in our cottage and a new beginning for my health and wellness. And I am so grateful to my sweet sisters in our Sacred Commerce group!

Sweet blessings,